you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
