this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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