i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
