OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
