Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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