just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
