I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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