I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
