oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
