So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize