cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
