Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
