I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
True college students do jello shots in the library
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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