Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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