The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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