Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
