the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
