tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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