So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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