i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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