my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
