Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
