An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
