Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
