Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
sex in a hospital.. check
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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