stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
A bitchslap is in order.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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