im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
