Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
