I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize