Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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