he thought i was a dude.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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