Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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