I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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