I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
