I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize