I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
