hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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