My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
