I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think my moral compass just broke
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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