oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
