My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
