what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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