In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
