Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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