i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he was CRYING into my vagina
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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