I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
