You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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