i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize