honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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