Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
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I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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