We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
