There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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