even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize