I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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