dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
