so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
