I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
