i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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