There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize