the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
