is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
