I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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