What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
