my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
