Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
