she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
