I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
