I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
