Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Enjoy the penises
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
