my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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