She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize