I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize