these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
