So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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