so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
