I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
