Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My cat gives me a boner
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
