I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
