Where did you get a picture of my penis
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
