highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
