I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
