I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize