Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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