I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
