She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
