Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
