im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
