i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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