I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
one two three fourrrrnication!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
