all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
