He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
