that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
