you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
