does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
