I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
