Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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