I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
