i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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