Everything about him screamed your future.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
