she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
