so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
