how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
