Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
