Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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