For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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