I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
well you can't waste a boner
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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