Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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