I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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