i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
