OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
